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Parents, You Might Be Sending the Wrong Message (Without Realizing It)
- Ruth Regan
- Nov 28
- 4 min read
Why “Feeling Like Family” Can Backfire — And What Nannies Actually Want
When families begin the nanny hiring process, one phrase comes up more than almost anything else:
“We want a nanny who feels like part of the family.” ❤️
It sounds warm. It sounds inviting. And it is well-intentioned. But here’s the truth most parents don’t realize:
👉 That phrase can unintentionally blur boundaries, create confusion, and lead to burnout—for both the nanny and the family.
In today’s post, we’ll break down why this happens, what nannies truly want, and how you can build a healthy nanny–family relationship that lasts.
Why “Part of the Family” Isn’t Always Healthy Language
When families say they want a nanny to feel like family, they typically mean:
We want you to feel comfortable.
We value your role in our home.
We want a warm connection with you.
But nannies often hear something very different:
“You’ll be expected to go above and beyond without extra pay.”
“Work hours might be flexible… depending on our needs.”
“Household duties may creep outside childcare.”
“Personal boundaries may not be respected.”
This is how “family-like” can quickly turn into:
❌ Job creep
❌ Blurred expectations
❌ Emotional pressure
❌ Unequal communication
❌ Burnout
It’s not that connection is bad—it’s that unclear roles lead to unmet expectations, and that’s where relationships start to break down.
Warmth vs. Professionalism: You Can Have Both
A strong nanny–family relationship doesn’t require the lines between personal and professional to disappear.
The truth?
✨ Nannies thrive in environments where they feel appreciated AND respected as professionals.
Here’s how families can maintain warmth without losing clarity:
1. Set Clear Roles & Responsibilities
Even the best intentions mean nothing without structure. Define duties, boundaries, and work expectations upfront.
2. Keep Emotional Boundaries in Check
Closeness is wonderful—pressure is not. A nanny’s role isn’t to fill the emotional gaps of a family.
3. Communicate Like Teammates
Consider the nanny a partner in childcare, not a stand-in relative. Professional communication = long-term trust.
4. Show Appreciation… the Right Way
Bonuses, clear feedback, predictable schedules, and respectful treatment speak louder than calling someone “family.”
What Nannies Really Want Instead
Based on thousands of conversations with professional caregivers, here’s what nannies consistently say they value most:
✔️ Respect for their time and expertise
✔️ Consistency with schedules and duties
✔️ A clear work agreement
✔️ A family who communicates directly and kindly
✔️ Healthy boundaries that protect their well-being
✔️ Appreciation that matches the role—not emotional pressure
When families lead with structure, clarity, and respect, nannies feel safe enough to naturally form warm bonds.
The Simple Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
Instead of saying: ✨ “We want you to feel like part of the family.”
Try: ✨ “We want a positive, respectful working relationship where you feel valued and supported.”
This reframes the relationship in a way that:
Protects boundaries
Encourages professionalism
Prevents misunderstandings
Promotes long-term retention
Creates a healthier home environment for everyone
And ironically? This approach almost always leads to a bond that does feel close and meaningful—without the pressure.
Final Thoughts:
Healthy Boundaries = Happier Families + Happier Nannies
The strongest nanny–family relationships aren’t built on blurred lines. They’re built on:
💛 Mutual respect
💛 Clear expectations
💛 Open communication
💛 Professional boundaries
When everyone knows their role and feels valued, your nanny becomes not just a caregiver—but a stable, long-term partner in your child’s life.
If you’re unsure how to set these foundations, or if you want a smoother, more confident hiring process…
👉 Explore our Nanny Hiring Guides — your step-by-step roadmap to hiring the right nanny and setting up a healthy, professional relationship from day one.
They include scripts, checklists, contracts, payroll basics, and real-world insights from years of successful placements.
WANT TO HANDLE THE SEARCH YOURSELF?
Not every family chooses to work directly with an agency — and that’s why we created the Confident Nanny Hiring: The Complete Parent’s Guide Bundle.
Our DIY Nanny Hiring Guides walk you step by step through the same process agencies use, including:
Background check recommendations
Interview question toolkits
Red flag checklists
Contract guidance
Onboarding tips
So whether you choose to partner with an agency or DIY your search, you’ll have the tools and confidence to make the right hire.
📖 Explore the guides today and take charge of your nanny search with clarity and confidence.
WHAT'S INSIDE THE BUNDLE?
Guide 1: A 10-Step Guide to Hiring Your Dream Nanny
A complete roadmap that walks you from “Where do I start?” to “We found our nanny!” with confidence, clarity, and ease.
Guide 2: The Nanny–Family Handbook Template
A ready-to-customize handbook that covers your household values, communication norms, rules, and expectations—keeping everyone on the same page.
Guide 3: The Family Guide to Legal Nanny Hiring
Demystifies payroll, taxes, workers’ compensation, and insurance. Includes referrals and resources so you can stay compliant, avoid penalties, and protect both your family and your nanny. Includes a real “story time” case where workers’ comp saved a family from major financial loss.
Guide 4: Drafting Job Descriptions, Interviews & Trials
Step-by-step guidance for writing clear job ads, conducting interviews with confidence, and running structured trial days that set everyone up for success.
Guide 5: Nanny Pay, Raises & Incentives
Understand industry standards for pay, overtime, and bonuses. Learn creative incentive strategies that keep your nanny motivated, happy, and long-term committed.
Guide 6: The Complete Nanny–Family Work Agreement
Covers everything from hours to holidays, overtime to house rules. Includes a fillable template so you and your nanny start with clarity and mutual accountability.
Guide 7: The Nanny Hiring Toolkit
Your all-in-one toolkit with customizable job description templates, proven interview questions, red flag checklists, and evaluation scorecards—so you can simplify the hiring process and make smart, informed decisions.
Guide 8: Evaluating Fit, Navigating Challenges, and Planning for Longevity
Learn how to assess the right nanny for your family, anticipate common challenges before they become problems, and create a relationship built to last.
THE ULTIMATE NANNY & BABYSITTER INTERVIEW TOOLKIT
Not sure where to start? We’ve also created a Free Nanny Interview Toolkit to help parents kick off the hiring process with clarity. Inside, you’ll find:
Must-ask questions to reveal a nanny’s true experience
Red flags to listen for during interviews
Tips for comparing candidates fairly and confidently
This toolkit is designed to help you make smarter decisions from the very first conversation with a potential nanny.
📖 Download your free toolkit today and take the first step toward a smoother, safer hiring process.
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